| SUSPENSION |
[August 15, 2007] |
| [ |
music |
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Ang Bandang Shirley |
] |
Cool weather + stretched out on my bedroom floor + our nifty dvd player sitting on my stomach + headphones on + the gang (Lars Von Trier, Gus Van Sant, Michael Gondry, Cameron Crowe…) = BLISS I found myself making sandwiches prior to my film binge. Haha big deal! I can now picture mom getting on with her you-should-be-ashamed-of-yourself shudder. Haha. On such days when I don’t give shit about being called a slob, that sort of thing actually counts for some progress. But only so I won’t have to leave the confines of my bedroom once the reel starts rolling. As if I really have em reels.
AND YES!! Classes were cancelled. I couldn’t get myself out of bed this morning so I missed my first two classes. But then English was free cut and Lit they spent film viewing—House! I was about to leave home for my other classes when I received the SMS. Holy shite. HowcanIbesofuckinlucky&# Tito Francis (step daddy oh): Okay lang magyosi ka pero sinasabi ko sayo ang baho mo. Nakanang *#&$
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| Things |
[August 14, 2007] |
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I dont go into detail when it comes to writing about things.. For I have been rendered listless by things pointless and beyond
It has been Cubao-Ateneo-Ateneo-Cubao as of late, taking pleasure in the security of my nifty nook. With my things…
bit
by
bit
Getting smashed to FEEL…because apparently with a little help of pixie dust, you can fly! you can fly!
Then poof!
After a few breaths you distinguish what seems to be a faint landing and get back on your feet
Try to find the things that matter, that time has sped up
Eventually you'll find them
Realizing you didn't even have to try at all
Not so hidden notes to you! (Some sort of meme)
Sandra, feel better. You have major ass kicking to do. That's who you are.
Solo, you're like an older sister to me. And I solemnly swear that I' am up to no good.. when it comes to *ehem* safeguarding your heart. So YOU! BEWARE!
Feliz, for being an occupant in myplace, all of nature's sudden calls I can now answer. Thank you thank you. Punyeta. Sana kung gaano ako kadalas dun, ganoon din kita kadalas makita! Movie marathon after yer midterms!
Pie, Cy, you two have always endured my constant outbursts out of frustration, anger or most of the time, nothing at all. You've seen all sides of me and gave me no reason to regret it.
Im so sleepy. To be continued
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| Im breathing! |
[August 07, 2007] |
| [ |
music |
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oh good 'ol rain! |
] |
I’ve made friends with freedom and uncertainty... And have been up against responsibility You got it wrong. This isn’t poetry… But I’d rather rhyme than give in to my hibernating tendencies. Im stoked. Kudos to transformative thoughts… Which are getting more radical by the minute So what? SO WHAT?! I don’t have a frame of mind That in my case is a feeble attempt in structure. I learned to inhabit my life like a portico, It’s really as simple as EASY COME! EASY GO! You don’t get me. You’re not supposed to. That’s me charm ya know? THIS ENTRY IS FUCKED. I just want to let you folks know I haven’t abandoned this wasteland of a blog. Who reads this shit anyway? Haha College is fine. It has its moments. You ought to be proud of me. NYARKS
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[July 11, 2007] |
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mood |
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 happy |
] |
Im enjoying the latest Spoon has to offer. LISTEN!
and Jared is making me cry like a dork right now. I don't know what to say. Thank you dude.
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| Talking Shit |
[July 11, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 dorky |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Paranoid Android- Radiohead |
] |
So yeah ctrl-v mode
1, 2, 3...
i've climbed mountains. ran miles.
driven with no true destination.
4, 5, 6...
i've touched the tip of your nose to mine.
concurred demons. dodged bullets and love.
7, 8, 9...
i've found beauty in simplicity.
doodled your name upon my heart.
and kept my secret place...hidden.
10, 11, 12...
i've graduated, only to start at the beginning again.
backspaced and erased, only to rewrite the same words over.
and wished on hand fulls of dandelions.
13...
i've even made up for lost time.
14, 15, 16...
i've said good-bye to my best friend for the last time ever.
experimented with drugs, wisdom, and boys.
and rode a camel.
17, 18, 19...
i've felt like alka-seltzer in water, trying desperately to retain its form.
heard laughter in a moment of pure silence.
and found solace in the unknown.
20...
i've even talked to god.
(i've waited.
counted down the years. the days. and the minutes.
it is finally here.
raise your glasses. wish me luck.)
when i look in the mirror, i want to be 21...and on my own. (be careful of the dark eyed devil that lays within the glass.)
-names don't mean a thing when you're in a world of numbers-
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| Kissing the Lipless |
[July 08, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 relieved |
] |
| [ |
music |
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F1 on tv |
] |
I WILL SNAP OUT OF THIS FUNK
I have been wistful for long. It's sickening.
Can't blame myself though.. you have always been a fuckin exception.
A calming influence to me--that I'am left to paint my own little corner of things to remind me of summer
Not because I've got the best of vacation stories to tell, but because you seemed to be part of my life then.
That was THEN
I don't live in the past.
And I'm definitely not a relic of yours.
I'm not any of that person whose resolve is to rot in her wishful thinking.
Nonetheless I have learned my lesson well..
YOU DON'T FIGURE THINGS OUT.
THERE ARE THINGS THAT HAVE NO FURTHER MEANING TO THEM
don't fuckin interpret hell yeah!
What I'am is a freak who made the best out of each circumstance.
Whose tough act you were able to break apart, stripped her off her jagged armor.
Thank you? No sarcasm there
I don't need you to drive me home to convince myself that I have indeed fallen for you,
I already am.
You are such a boy. I gotta accept that.
You easily forget while I on the other hand remember everything.
It was no different from getting my SLR for the first time..
The feeling of excitement, of being lucky..
One I cant wait to take with me to an adventure.
It ain't happening. I'm leaving you behind.
Time to go back to my gyspy roots.. be the nomad that I'am.
Start wreaking havoc once again. The I dont give a shit stance.
I used to be all of that.
Before you accidentally ignited the caring fuse.
It's all blown up.
I'll still see you, that's for sure. There's just no way we can't.
Drive off in your car? Perhaps.
I don't regret for you to happen. I made you happen.
YOU SHIT
I will never run out of good words for you
Despite the fact that you will never get to hear or remember any of them.
Wanting you only gives me reason to hate you
And you're too good a person to deserve that.
Why just now? Because it's only right at this moment that my mind has finally come in terms with myself.
This is it.
Au revoir
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| SnapSnapSnap |
[July 05, 2007] |
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So the friendly aspect is I have never been more at ease by my lonesome.
It’s like Alice once again stumbling down the rabbit hole, off to wander in a trance. Along the way is a Creshire cat, with which an encounter is brief, but leaves a smile behind. A disappearing act at will. Alice is too big to be trapped in the house yet too small that she can swim in her tears. It’s a never-ending tea party with the Mad Hatter. A chase for a rabbit that is inanely always in such a hurry. But for what reason?
I don’t know which way I ought to go. I don’t care. Hand me that deck and let's do some solitaire.
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| Up Up and Away!! |
[June 28, 2007] |
| [ |
music |
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Musical O- Ocean |
] |
How are things going?
Mostly being my attention always fuckin divided among the most random of things. Ive got "things" but dont really get them. Much like drawing in thin air and just hoping that somebody will fuckin get what you're doing. I have thought of every fuckin senseless thing and have uttered every fuckin retarded word and still have an excess of both. Split this head open and you get a mashed potato for a brain. Which I can only go as far as to molding into something equally tasty..pointless. The rate Im going just spells DOOM. Thank god I have professors who encourage us to be bastards. Finally some reason to sharpen up. For the record, as much as I cant wait for my classes to end, attending them is the only fuckin reason I have for looking forward to going to school. Just so to get things over and done with. (Lying on anything concrete is close though).
I say fuck for no reason at all..
and it still doesn't feel as good as saying PUTANGINA MO GAGO ULOL!!
I just cant wait for us to break through the confines of sugar, spice and everything nice and act like the vulgar creatures that we are again.
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| Off |
[June 20, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
-<3 Nickels and Dimes- Scissors for Lefty |
] |
Our prof talked about light bulb moments. I need them now. A faster train can help too. The tunnel that is my brain has gone kaput.
So where do I find that switch..
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| Im studying, do not disturb. |
[June 19, 2007] |
| [ |
music |
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Scissors for Lefty (one of my precious finds!) |
] |
Clip from The White Stripes' latest album, Icky Thump. Date of release is today though the entire album was leaked a few months back. Had Jack really pissed off, as I have read somewhere.
I didnt get what Jack was singing, shouting. Only for the part with Americans complaining about immigrants when they are immigrants too. And if they learn their history right they would know that most of their ancestors came here illegally too. Haha very theatrical, typical White Stripes. He sure made that one clear.
In relation to The White Stripes, my tattoo looks like an oriental, Marc Ryden inspired Jack and Meg. As opposed to getting a tattoo that has some deep meaning that kind of shit to my existence, I only have the proverbial I like it to this one. I have to be stripped off of my clothes for you folks to see it in its entirety.
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And because I've been doing my homework, I found this! To make it more convincing, it says there that Hiro is fucked up so he dies and Nathan will emerge as a bird. Yes, as normal people we can only speculate and wait for volume 2.
Been streaming tons of movie clips, video game teasers and albums in FULL LENGTH (!) that I started looking forward to going home right away. Which is something completely new to me, just like for everything else in university.
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[June 13, 2007] |
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There's this guy in my class who would laugh each time I glance his way. This afternoon he finally said, Natatawa ako pag nakikita kita! Sapak gusto mo?! Nahh. I like being heckled that way.
It's all good.
Im loving it all. From swapping banters with my blockmates to wrestling with contempt everytime I utter something overtly blunt and not giving a damn the next. To slacking off, for the time being, with high school buddies as we slowly plunge ourselves into college life. To sitting next to some really wisecracking dandies and not just those with smarty pants on. To having a celebrity in my english class haha! To being called Ella and getting back to them with defiant stare get away with being a tomboy! Man I have some serious growing up to do. Hats off to Steph who called me Amelie. She just complimented her way into my heart. Dora (the explorer) is fucking juvenile.
I noticed that I have this trend of sitting next to someone from the Visayas. Cebu, Iloilo, Bacolod.. in due time I will be completing the islands and go magic singing the WOW Philippines (!). I like them girls, smooth talkers and just very nice. Hanging around SOM, I ran across this dude with dreadlocks and jokingly told Hara, of Cebu, that I'm going to have a boyfriend who looks just like that. She had this look that spells Youve got to be kidding me. Haha. That's why I love them Visayans.
Im working on with remembering names as fast as I can. This blockmate came over to me and gave a very nice hug but SHIT I cant remember her name. That was bad for a start. tsktsk
Talking shit.
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| Soundcheck |
[June 10, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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SHIT |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Cut City |
] |
You wake up each day to some strange potential you always fail to realize. A mixed tape for a second, a broken record the next. Just press play and let the song take over. Get lost in it, run away.
You weren't just locked inside that cramped court damn it, but inside yourself as well. Now you can momentarily lose touch and make yourself present at the same time with that goddamn plastered smile. Having a song on repeat won't give you the memory lapse you've been longing for. But you may at least let it free you. Let everything else follow through from there. It's nice to think about everything that are bound to happen; to be able to do something relevant to your future, meet interesting people and even make the Dean's list (you'll never know what might hit you). But still when everything else is said and done, you're still alone.
People can only go as far as knowing you as the girl with that freaky doll hanging in her bag. What the fuck is wrong with you? Maybe you have forgotten how much you love learning. Of course you haven't, but you always forget the lesson.
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| A cut out |
[June 05, 2007] |
Kim: Hold me.
Edward: I can't.
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| My stupidity sure knows its timing |
[June 01, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
Mom, Julia, Mickey, Tito Francis, Yaya Delia, Mang Jose, Otts, Sandra, Feliz, Mea, Jhe, Pie, Am, Carme, Joyce, Maki, Milo, Ad, Dino, Jan, Jared, Carlos, Mara, Domeng, Eugene, Feliz' dad, Michael Angelo the performer and all the waiters there at Sencillio!
THANK YOU!!
Last night was all I could have asked for a birthday gift. Only one thing didnt seem right, Santi was missing! I got a break there. The BIG ticket being my Mom and my friends, the JACKPOT. I was reduced to speech impediment. The love was just overwhelming.
Julia.."Look it's a full moon tonight!"
Mom.."Swerte yan."
They say life is a game of chance. If mine were a tad like lottery, the numbers would have to be 053107.
Psst Jel. Thumbs up to that beautiful letter. Cherry on top =D
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| I know you wanna know.. |
[May 28, 2007] |
First there was Otts' Miss List, now this. Dami niyong pauso mga kaibigan! Tama na cyber reunions, kahit daliri ko hindi mayayakap ng hindot na emoticon na yun eh.
Leave a comment here and I'll--
1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with a song / movie.
3. Tell a random fact about you.
4. Tell a first memory about you.
5. Associate you with an animal / fruit.
6. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7. In return, you must spread this disease post this in your own LJ/ blog.
Sandra had me figured out since our nursery days.. and in return I'm answering this for her.
Don't give me that look. What now?
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| Rob in High Fidelity |
[May 27, 2007] |
| [ |
music |
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The Raveonettes |
] |
What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?
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| Fried Little Brain |
[May 24, 2007] |
First video is of the band, Klaxons. They have an '07 version for the same song, Gravity's Rainbow, but this one just got me in the head. A 5 with a bullet. Their other songs own me just the same. All ships of sense on hyper ocean. All kites of chaos still in motion. I won't be shaken off this psychedelia anytime soon.
Next is of the duo, The Kills. Alison Mosshart is fuckin spiteful and sexy. Her singing could get somewhat monotonous but really now, she gives off that raw vibe and just rad . This is the good ones. The start of the song makes me want to take a car to the part of the city where the city runs out of street lights.
Basically, this is the reason why I'm so bad with people these days. One would hardly catch me not glued to the pc and without my headphones on, that is if they even chance upon me here at home. Or living in my waking life. My bedroom is turning out to be an evidence of my artistic deficiencies rather than my refuge. But what the fuck. You can go spaghetti thinking on me and say I've got too many loose ends and should better focus but really now, this is just a product of headbanging.
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Being nocturnal is fantastic. I get to keep my hormones in check and don't have to deal with you and the situation that much.
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| Damn Earnest Song |
[May 22, 2007] |
This could be the very minute
I'm aware I'm alive
All these places feel like home
With a name I'd never chosen
I can make my first steps
As a child of 25
This is the straw, final straw in the
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you
Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean
I didn't enjoy it at the time
You're the only thing that I love
It scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer
Goodness I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words
What have I done it's too late for that
What have become truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time
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| Crumple, Throw Away! |
[May 17, 2007] |
| [ |
mood |
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 artistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Arcade Fire |
] |
To all my girlfriends out there, let this not be deemed as a form of betrayal. But creeping along katipunan, I have taken that DotA (the other chick your boyfriends have been dating) must offer something beyond what meets the eye. So I'm having myself sucked til then..
Erase that. Fortunately I'm shit broke right now to use up some cash, set aside for some art materials. For the time being I'm going to lose it on spray paint, stencil, silkscreen and get high on thinner. It doesn't matter if I end up with a wall that can pass for a male toilet, just to have this room finally pegged as MY SPACE. This better be intriguing since I'll be having my bullock buddy Dino over. Time to connect with our inner kanto boys and ride some Red horse. My shirt's sleeves cuffed for that very Bagets feel, ready with the ice pick. Dino belting it out in the karaoke and making the headline "UNGAS NA NAPAGKAMALANG KOREANO, TODAS!" in Abante right beside a big picture of some bold star. Ok. It's obvious I've been getting the heck with tabloids. Flip some pages and you'll chance upon the love of your life.."Hellurz this is DONNI, 21 years old, gay and looking for textmate. STRAIGHT GUYZ ONLY text me 093649370473" Hahahaha. Sige patusin kita dyan.
Anyway, I have yet to be experimental with my camera again. I owe it to my Dad. More, to myself. I have my hands full before hitting the nest. Enough time to tighten up this screw and have this body clock ticking Manila time. And of course catch some bands!
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